Sometimes, I am thankful I have not had a baby yet.

Not because a day goes by that I don’t beg God to give me a child, but because sometimes I realize just how much better of a pregnancy I will have and how much better of a mother I will be because of the time God has spent making me wait.

Had I gotten pregnant when I first wanted to, I would have had a birth in a hospital, probably with a doctor and all sorts of interventions.  Because I have had all of this time to study birth and different ways of going through it, as well as reading WONDERFUL birth stories, I will have my baby in a birth center, with a midwife, and therefore will probably not have any interventions and have an easier time breastfeeding. 

Today I realized that although I have always been a Christian and believed in God and know Jesus is my savior, I have recently began reading my Bible every morning, and made a commitment to going to church at least once a week, preferably more.  I know that by putting God first and making him the center of my life, I will be a better mother and raise my children to be better people. 

Obviously God has a plan, and I just don’t know it, but every so often I realize just a little bit of his plan.  Also, all the waiting while trying to make a baby is going to teach me a lot of patience for when I do get pregnant and have children.

On another note, last night I had a weird dream, most of which I don’t remember but I do remember having a little baby girl with me and being really happy and saying to her “I made you!”.  It was pretty awesome and I can’t wait until that part of my dream comes true.


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